Hi, guys! I’m Penny. I’m 23 now and I already have my own family, but this story that I want to share with you happened a while ago. Or, rather, it has been happening during my whole life. I gave up many of my dreams because of one person, and when I decided to change the situation, something tragically irreversible happened.
I was born when my mom was 46 years old. It took her a very long time to get pregnant, and she experienced a few miscarriages and so on, so yes, when I was born it was almost a pure miracle for her and she surrounded me with as much of a mother’s love as she could. Of course, I don’t remember all the details myself, but what I do remember is, for example, when I would sometimes open my eyes in the middle of the night, I'd see my mom sitting on my bed and looking at me. She always said that it was her favorite thing to do – to guard my sweet dreams.
I guess her overwhelming love for me eventually ruined her relationship with my dad. She was too busy with me and never let him help her because she was afraid that he might do something wrong. She, sort of, excluded him from our family and that’s probably why, when I was 8, he left us. A few months later both my mom and I found out that he moved in with another woman, who was much younger than my mom. Of course, for mom, it was very devastating and depressing, and she just kept saying that I was the only thing that kept her afloat.
Now you understand what a heavy load was laid on my shoulders back then, don’t you? I decided that our family had broken up because of me and I just didn’t have the right to upset my mom.
However, she always tried to be supportive when I had romantic relationships. And the very first one of them happened when I was 16. His name was Ben and he was my classmate. We hung out at my home almost every day, and mom was so happy when he praised the meals she cooked or when he would say that he loved my mom almost as much as he loved his own mom. But then she changed her attitude toward Ben as soon as she found out about his plans for college.
You see, it turned out that Ben had a dream of studying filmmaking in New York, which was apparently far away from the town we lived in. And he sounded so convincing and inspiring whenever he was telling me about it, so I also, sort of, began to want to go there too with him. And one day, when he was showing me some brochures and info on the internet about that school, my mom came in my room.
She was wondering whether we were hungry, but as soon as she saw that we were surfing the website of the school in NY, she changed her face. Later that day mom also decided to talk to me about college, but she was lobbying for the one that was, like, a 30-minute-drive from our house. And as soon as I started talking about New York, my mom clutched her heart. She was like, “Are you insane? I am 64 already! Who knows what could happen to me while I’m all alone here and you will be far away,” and stuff like that.
I tried to convince her, at first, saying that nothing bad could happen to her, but when she rushed to the bathroom and started looking for some pills, that made me feel a tinge of guilt inside again. Gosh, I began feeling like I was betraying her for even thinking about leaving her here alone! I had nothing else to do but to promise her I'd stay and to hope that Ben might understand.
Well, what can I say? Despite our almost two years together in a relationship, Ben appeared to not be willing to drop his dream of going to New York City in order to stay with me. You can be sure that long-distance finally screwed our relationship up, and even before the fall semester began, we ended it over a telephone call. Of course, it was hard for me and I developed a kind of depression because of it, but my mom was nearby, and she tried to support me and even bought me a new car to cheer me up. But the most important thing was that I didn’t offend her, right?
Anyway, I began studying at a local school, became acquainted with a few new friends, and continued living with my mom. The life there at the university was awesome! Especially with all those sororities, and parties and stuff. But, of course, I was aware of these things only because of my friends stories. I just hated it, literally about halfway through a party, I'd get a text from my mom saying that she was worried about me and had to take her anxiety meds and then I'd have to go back home...